I know it’s perverse, but occasionally I enjoy perusing all the spam comments that get caught in the filter. I also like the fact that the previous sentence sounds quite repulsive, akin to a sentence such as: “occasionally I like to eat all the dead insects stuck in the radiator of my car.”
Nowadays, many of these spam comments seem to be playing upon the inherent vanity and egotism of bloggers by sending generically positive words of encouragement that just happen to have spammy links attached to them. Here are some of my favourites.
Weird flattery
“Normally I do not read article on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to try and do so! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thanks, very nice article.”
“Hi, after reading this awesome paragraph i am as well happy to share my experience here with friends.”
“Hi there, just turned into alert.”
“It’s fantastic. grow lethargic this a bitter pill (for someone) to swallow Can better? ;)”
NOTES: I wish I could think of a scenario in which I could announce bombastically “you, sir/madam, have very forced me to try and do so!” although I fear this is dangerously close to one of Catherine Tate’s catchphrases. Since I wouldn’t be caught dead watching one of Tate’s TV shows- I mean, life’s too short, isn’t it?- perhaps somebody can tell me if I’m wrong.
Because of the random capitalisation I’m choosing to imagine that the fourth comment refers to swallowing the Krautrock band of the 1970s. At least our spammer got it’s (abbreviation of “it is”) versus its (possessive) correct, something that many legit bloggers and commenters aren’t capable of.
Not flattery, just weird
“The archetype of female and Venus are very much intertwined and it is therefore very natural for a woman to use her Venus. Kind of like me playing those video game demos.”
“This attraction beans tend to be metalic and also rhodium or perhaps yellow metal plated. The beans were created in such a way so it goes with recent bracelet or maybe necklace around your neck. If you ever choose to buy necklace around your neck instead of drops solely, the gathering can be a lot more customized to appeal a person coronary heart. That sizing’s along with angles may be interchanged to ensure the choice of toggle bracelet and also a necklace or perhaps any keychain will be distinctive back and it also could will take age range to find its redundant on this planet.”
NOTES: “It is very natural for a woman to use her Venus.” Indeed it is. I’m not so sure about a woman’s Venus being like a video game, though. Even if you think that, it’s probably best to not tell her so. I like the consistently incorrect substitution of the word “beans” for (presumably) “beads.” The next time I see somebody wearing jewellery I’m going to compliment them on their beans. I like the idea of “attraction beans” in particular: what is an attraction bean and how does it work? What does an attraction bean attract? Or are they beans that were previously attracted in some way? I’ll also be looking for an opportunity to use the phrase “redundant on this planet.”
Metaspam!
“Do you have a spam problem on this website; I also am a blogger, and I was curious about your situation; we have developed some nice methods and we are looking to exchange solutions with others, be sure to shoot me an e-mail if interested.”
NOTES: Thanks for your concern, Cheaper Car Insurance For Women. People probably say this to you all the time, but that’s a very beautiful name. Does your Venus have a demo version I could download?
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