The post Has your mouth ever been inseminated by a squid? for some reason provoked one spambot to new heights of literary creativity, not to mention repeated– almost violent– attempts to spam the comments. I’ve taken the liberty of omitting spammy links, fixing punctuation, and compiling the remainder into what is surely a solid basis for the next supposedly erotic novel written by, for and about imbeciles.
The program opened, I was as aroused as a female in an educational institution. I looked because of the opening and was surprised to perceive fair Jasmin, your daughter. She told me all round you and Spot, and the others, examining food so rigid her knuckles were snow-white from the exertion. Bart looked on in startle as his infant sister sucked the SPAM.
“Data sortie curve above,” I whispered softly in her attention, “Interior you.”
“You are a truthfully sugary gentleman,” said Jasmin.
I sat in my sward seat at the back part. Nearly to herself she said, “Oh… deficient gender”.
Tears of dread possession subsided, but are replaced near novel ones of SPAM in Abergavenny. Neuro-transmitters we installed desire; uncover those thoughts previously, you smooth believe them. I turned her toward me and she resigned herself to my attentions and before long she was moaning “Invest into the elderly lady’s residence…”
I knew they were up against the door getting empty nesters’ lips. No single could perceive her exterior of the space, though. At long last the gender location came obtain some labour done. Snuffy stood in amazement that he was capable to retain thriving much longer than during the seventh inning. Occasionally a threesome rotates to perceive womanhood, informed of the big, phallic-like tentacle that was at present appearing from Korean lyrics. But perhaps that’s what made it so stimulating. Ohio Punjabi Mom apologized and then French kissed Marcy but Darlene laughed at them and said, “Oh don’t smooth annoy. Mmm, looks like somebody knows a small superior.”
“Regretful,” Snuffy said and laughed and repeated “Regretful. Fair like that, yes!”
Bart swallowed rigid and tried fudge banana SPAM, his intelligence focused on the tasks of the daytime: sniper shootings and dates. He called the companionship that afternoon.
The Narrator– A sugary gentleman. Neuro-transmitter installer.
Jasmin– Mom who lives in Ohio, originally from the Punjab. Despite being a food safety inspector Jasmin flouts all hygiene, health and safety regulations by allowing her dog Spot to accompany her at work, and by eating food she has confiscated as expired or hazardous.
Bart– Jasmin’s big brother, older than her by several decades. Disapproves of her penchant for borderline decaying food, particularly cans of expired Welsh SPAM. Sometimes arranges dates on weekdays but doesn’t show up at the arranged time and place; instead he waits on a nearby rooftop with a hunting rifle.
Snuffy– Failed professional baseball player turned K-Pop superstar. PTSD sometimes causes him to laugh for no good reason. Regretful.
Marcy and Darlene– Lesbian couple in an open relationship, expelled from a Catholic girls’ school for inappropriate sexual behaviour and for persistently mocking the Mother Superior’s diminutive stature.