Ask mother to get Shreddies ‘Skin Diver’ packets (He really dives!)

From Eagle, 1960.

“Ask mother to get Shreddies ‘Skin Diver’ packets” is an almost Dadaist instruction, or like something a schizophrenic person’s head voice might say, even in the context of the early “pester power” advertisement above. Try saying “Ask mother to get Shreddies ‘Skin Diver’ packets” a hundred times.

“Mother, get Skin Diver packets.”

I’m sorry boy, but you do manage to look ludicrous when you give me orders.

“Please, mother.”

No! I will not hide in the fruit cellar! You think I’m fruity, huh? I’m staying right here. This is my room and no one will drag me out of it, least of all my big, bold son!

“I’ll carry you, mother.”

Norman! What do you think you’re doing? Don’t you touch me, don’t! Norman! Put me down, put me down, I can walk on my own…

1. Psycho was also released in 1960.
2. I love the late Fifties/early Sixties-ness of the jagged, asymmetrical text panels.  Almost Saul Bass, too, and in the service of flogging breakfast cereal.
3. It’s IMPORTANT that you use only a bottle that has a screw stopper and not a cork. Don’t say you weren’t warned. Mother HATES disobedient boys.

Has your mouth ever been inseminated by a squid?

No? Square. How frightfully dreary your life must be. I feel sorry for you. Everybody’s doing it nowadays, it being the accidental discharge of cephalopod sperm bulbs in the mouth. At least everyone is claiming it’s accidental.

Penetration of the oral mucosa by parasite-like sperm bags of squid: a case report in a Korean woman.

Yes, I know these aren’t squid. But I’m the sort of person who has images like this in their blog’s library, and it was a good opportunity to recycle it. See ‘Your bobo is ripe and full’ for more about this picture.

“A 63-yr-old Korean woman experienced severe pain in her oral cavity immediately after eating a portion of parboiled squid along with its internal organs. She did not swallow the portion, but spat it out immediately. She complained of a pricking and foreign-body sensation in the oral cavity. Twelve small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms stuck in the mucous membrane of the tongue, cheek, and gingiva were completely removed, along with the affected mucosa. On the basis of their morphology and the presence of the sperm bag, the foreign bodies were identified as squid spermatophores.”

I’m a bit worried that biologists apparently don’t know what an organism is. A squid is an organism, squid sperm or squid sperm bags are part of that organism.

“Your bobo is ripe and full, how wonderful”

Or: What the captions say on Hokusai’s ‘Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife’

Warning: sexiness. Well, in my view totally hilarious rather than sexy. The two things can of course coexist, but in this case I’m declaring my personal preference for the hilarious interpretation. I think James Joyce’s letters to his Mrs are also lurking somewhere in that particular no (wo)man’s land. My article regarding old Jim’s fat mickey and what he’d like to do with it is still one of the most popular posts I’ve ever done here, along with the one about Japanese manga onomatopoeia, so when I was inspired to research the book that this famous print comes from it immediately became clear that I should share my findings with the perverts who visit this site. Edo sex onomatopeia! Bizarre erotic material! Japanese stuff! It hits all the blogging G spots.

The print generally known in English as The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife is in Japanese simply 蛸と海女, Tako no ama (Octopus and Shell Diver). I’m a long way from being Mr Politically Correct, but right there we’ve got what seems to be a glaring piece of casual Western imperialist sexism, since she might well be somebody’s wife but the most salient fact is that she’s actually a fisherwoman in her own right. It’s not even an accurate description because the fisherman isn’t part of this scenario. Presumably his presence would impede this young lady’s hook ups with such fine specimens of cephalopod manhood as are shown here. It’s the kind of a work-related fling that happens when your colleagues are mainly molluscs.

Katsushika Hokusai, he of the iconic The Great Wave Off Kanagawa, also worked openly and to equal acclaim, popularity and prestige on erotic prints (春画 shunga) like the one under discussion here. This particular print is from the novel Kinoe no Komatsu (Young Pines, 1814), a title which is probably as euphemistic as calling the whole thing a novel; I should imagine if it has any novelistic qualities at all it would still be the kind of novel you’d read with one hand. For those who don’t know already, the print depicts a naked woman in a consensual sexual encounter with sea creatures. If you’re on the front page, clicking READ MORE (or whatever it says above the break) will show it to you. Don’t click the link if you or your employer are not inclined towards enjoying things like that. It’s visible on the wall in the background of my current profile picture on my own website, among other places, to the outrage and disgust of absolutely nobody. You’ll probably see worse by accident when you Google something you’d previously thought was innocent (I know I have)… but whatever, those who need warning should consider yourselves warned.