If you search your heart you will recognise that your life has in truth been a sad and pitiful travesty because you’ve never found any way to conveniently inject bananas with chocolate sauce. Luckily Sonna! Chocobana-na is here to fill your bananas and to plug the aching abyss of your soul hole. そんな！チョコバナ～ナ: Sonna translates as “like that” or something similar, although I’m guessing they mean something more like “Such/So Chocobanana!”. You can also insert cream into your banana if you’re in the mood for even more symbolically charged fruit consumption than that which will ensue from the chocobana-na. You could try some jamu, or other gelatinous substances, but we need to face the fact that this product is called Sonna! Chocobana-na so I’m afraid you’ll just have to accept that chocolate is the orthodox choice. One thing to be said in the ad’s favour is that it’s relentlessly innocent, which is just as well considering it features two little girls, but at the same time I don’t think there’s any way to advertise bananas or banana-related products that doesn’t bring other things to an adult’s mind.
On the subject of smut, you must also click on the auto-generated English subtitles to experience YouTube’s simultaneously poetic and wholly inappropriate introduction of Don the Bottom, gender ambiguity and YOUR MOM to this already sexually fraught chocolate banana injection scenario:
The bottom Don
From the bottom comment on
July double by now your mom
MM-hmm little bit your mom got that
But cast I had lost it
Segal he’s big meet up
Google past II doubled and I your mom
Little bit moans little bit mom dude
Home movie him home yeah
On many people here then we’ll see you
Go bad now
All a bit James Joyce, isn’t it?
Obligatory and inevitable Chocolate Disco postscript: The only thing better than a chocobana-na would be a chocobana-na disco. Read about Chocolate Disco, as previously discussed on this blog, or see how the ladies of Perfume faired once they escaped from the Laser Prism Valentine’s Hell Dimension only to find themselves locked in a room, knocking on a door that never opens and practising small acts of telekinesis.
Hands free tomato eating machine by Japanese artist Nobumichi Tosa. AFP PHOTO / Yoshikazu Tsuno.
A Japanese vegetable juice company has made a backpack robot with a tomato-shaped head, designed to feed its wearer tomatoes… because of course they have. Another solution to a problem nobody in their right mind ever thought was a problem.
It is at least credited to an artist, so we’ll give him some leeway to not be entirely utilitarian, and possibly even satirical. In the picture above it looks disconcertingly like some kind of high tech kawaii BDSM ball gag get up, and even more disconcertingly like these mechanoid, fetor-powered parasites from the manga ギョGyo (Fish) by Junji Ito, who seems to have a boundless imagination for scatology, body horror and despair. Probably not the vibe that Kagome were going for.
I hereby announce the blogging genre of Japanese misadventures with vegetables and/or with items which are technically fruits yet nonetheless generally classed as vegetables:
“I wonder if they’ll be humans or vegetables?” You can love vegetables without making love to vegetables, OK?
The Rite of Spring (Onions) Vegetable children extol the virtue of eating vegetables through the medium of J-pop, dancing and Japlish word play.
A footnote to the previous post about Americans being the weirdest people in the world: the image above is the first one thrown up by a Google image search for “fat Americans”. It’s been reposted, Reddited and ripped off so many hundreds of times that I wasn’t able to track down its original photographer or origins. If you know or by some weird quirk of fate you are in fact the photographer himself or herself, leave a comment. It’s also been used by mainstream American magazines and blogs to illustrate articles about American obesity.
I’m not saying that many Americans aren’t obese, because they are and contrary to some particularly shrill and screwed up segments of obese American society it’s not “fat-shaming”, “hate speech” or whatever to tell people that it’s unhealthy, self-destructive and a needless drain on the state’s and the planet’s finite resources to eat so much and so badly that you get this fat. People slowly killing themselves with eating disorders is a major and ever-growing psychological and societal problem in most developed countries, not a personal lifestyle choice that doesn’t really impact anybody else like dyeing your hair or getting a tattoo.
But anyway, what nobody appears to have noticed is that the sign in the window (top left) suggests that this McDonald’s is not in the USA because the sign is in some kind of non-Western script. Cyrillic, maybe? Armenian? Again, please correct my ignorance if it’s immediately obvious to you what language the sign is in. I suppose the children themselves could still be American.
My slightly autistic observational skills noticed this discrepancy immediately, I just thought I’d share it especially for any Americans who might have been feeling a bit fragile after the last thing I posted. Assuming it’s some consolation to you that children in other countries are getting as horrifically, life-threateningly obese as they are in yours.
I watched this on a loop until I went insane. Or I was insane, so I watched this on a loop. I still didn’t want to eat a Japanese custard pudding thing.
Kyary Pamyu Pamyu, where you from and what you on?
Bonus Japanese advertising campaign that probably counts as a form of torture or psychological warfare under the Geneva convention
I’ve been to Nara (at about 01.15) and the sacred deer as featured in the CM are bastards.
Lotte no Fit’s FIT’s. Lotte no Fit’s FIT’s. Lotte no Fit’s FIT’s. Lotte no Fit’s FIT’s. Lotte no Fit’s FIT’s. (Hai!) Lotte no Fit’s FIT’s. Lotte no Fit’s FIT’s. Lotte no Fit’s FIT’s. Still not as bad as the USA’s contribution to the genre, the unfortunately unforgettable: HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD. HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD. HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD. HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD. HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD. HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD. HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD. HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD.
See also: Nihon brainwash, including the aforementioned Head On video (apply directly to the forehead.)
No? Square. How frightfully dreary your life must be. I feel sorry for you. Everybody’s doing it nowadays, it being the accidental discharge of cephalopod sperm bulbs in the mouth. At least everyone is claiming it’s accidental.
Penetration of the oral mucosa by parasite-like sperm bags of squid: a case report in a Korean woman.
Yes, I know these aren’t squid. But I’m the sort of person who has images like this in their blog’s library, and it was a good opportunity to recycle it. See ‘Your bobo is ripe and full’ for more about this picture.
“A 63-yr-old Korean woman experienced severe pain in her oral cavity immediately after eating a portion of parboiled squid along with its internal organs. She did not swallow the portion, but spat it out immediately. She complained of a pricking and foreign-body sensation in the oral cavity. Twelve small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms stuck in the mucous membrane of the tongue, cheek, and gingiva were completely removed, along with the affected mucosa. On the basis of their morphology and the presence of the sperm bag, the foreign bodies were identified as squid spermatophores.”
I’m a bit worried that biologists apparently don’t know what an organism is. A squid is an organism, squid sperm or squid sperm bags are part of that organism. Continue Reading